there will be time, there will be time

I can finally listen to bon iver without tearing up and thinking only of the bullsheet office and winter and red hats.

I am so excited for winter. I know, it's like the "dead" season but for me, fall and winter are periods of re-birth. Periods of reflection and self re-birth when I can discover new things about me and the people around me. I know that summer is the season for love for most people but I fall in love with winter every year, again and again. Maybe it's the writer in me, lover of suffering, finder of beauty in the breakdown, seeker of symbolism in clean snow covering everything. As M once said "it will be a shame when spring comes, you are so beautiful in winter." It is my season. My time for new things and better beginnings. I am so thrilled and excited. I am even beginning to revel in my loneliness. It is time to start writing again, writing something seriously.

I don't have any ideas so I might just start recording what I do and see where that takes me. I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my supervisor at the after school program about alchemy and how poetic it is. I think I might start there, do some research on alchemy and see where it takes me.


Even the WORD alchemy sounds poetic. oh I am so excited. and I will be home next week even if it's just for a little bit of time, I will go home.

I have had a pretty exciting life so far. Sometimes I devalue it because it is my life so I am used to it and know its ins and outs and what has happened it is normal to me but I've experienced and known a lot of things people and moments that not many people are exposed to. Sometimes I get scared that I wont do everything I want to do but here's the thing, life has been pretty great so far, pretty extraordinary so far, and I think I can make the next 40 years equally as amazing. At least 40 years, I'm going to live forever, be healthy forever. Got that Clinique anti-aging cream. hahahah.