Conscious

I am making a conscious effort to reclaim all the things that I love. They do not need to hold memories that will make me sad. They do not need to be anything but what they are, a song, a season, an article of clothing.

I felt so guilty the other night when Bon Iver came onto my iTunes and I was with someone that was not M and it was only because of that night when we stayed awake until morning and listened to them. I cried. I admit it, I teared up and hid my face.

So here is my reclamation of all the songs and artists and moments and seasons and clothing that I love that are mine and are what they are without your fingerprints dotting them. This is for the moments that existed, the moments that are in the past and will never happen again. This is for the moments that were great and the moments that were horrid. I am packing them away in their place and leaving them there. I will no longer look back or forward too far, only right here like a horse with blinders on. I will focus on right now and only what's next to me. There is no reason for me to give up the things I love because they are tinted with shades of you. The only problem is that I had to give up you. And I loved you. So it resonates that I should also give up the other things we shared and loved together. They can be all mine though also. Just my favorite things.




It is supposed to snow on Thursday and I cannot wait. I know I already messed up and didn't write yesterday ... sorry. I'm sick, that's not an excuse but it's the truth.