It's Business Time

"It's business it's business time"

you know, that song from Flight of the Concords? Well it's about this guy not having sex with his girlfriend and knowing it's not going to happen once she puts her socks and big tshirt on.

I feel like I did that to my creativity. I put on my business skirt and started thinking in that way that will most likely get me a job and in lieu of all that I completely stopped my creativity from flowing. I created a business- dam for my artistic outlook and now look where it's gotten me, following all the stupid business rules to try to get a job and a little miserable because the whimsy has exited out of my life. I didn't purchase bubbles the other day because it was in irresponsible purchase ... WHO AM I!? Isn't that the point!? When are bubbles ever considered a responsible purchase?

I have lost who I am in the world of jobs and careers. I'm going to get that back starting today. Instead of going to work I am going to do things that nourish me, and then once I find a job I'm going to make sure to take time to do the same and not get sucked into the life-eating world of money money money.

I need to write. It hit me again when I was watching the Emmys and Jane Lynch gave her speech saying "We're actors because we have no choice" that's how it is with writing. A professor said that once too, why are you a writer - no one ever says it's because I'll make tons of money doing it, it's because we have no choice but to write. There is something screaming down inside me waiting to get out and I don't even have to figure it out first before I write it, I just do it and then it goes.

Which reminds me of a strange dream I had last night about telling someone that everything in literature is there for a reason, nothing is fluff or filler.

Regardless, I'm done being so business minded it has not served me well. not at all.