Honesty

I have decided to make a vow to be honest with myself about myself and what I want. This is it, I'm 22, I don't get 22 again and I feel like if I was honest about who I am college would have gone differently. It went wonderfully, don't get me wrong, I love the things I did and the people I met and fell in love with my friends and places and experiences we had together. But I feel like if I had been fearless and honest I would have done more, gone more places, seen more. So from now on fearlessness and honesty are my primary virtues. I have these visions of how I want my life to go and have known these since I was a child but fear keeps me from doing them. Apprehensions about being on my own and my allergies hold me back and they shouldn't. I know how my life could be and I know how I want it to be and I want both, but right now I want what my visions for my life are and then later I'll do the other stuff.

These are realizations I've come to thanks to facebook and the photos of people I know popping up on my newsfeed all on their own respective adventures and here I am doing nothing but working and sitting in my parents' house. I need to just take the plunge and go on my adventure. No planning, no plans no problems. Well, some planning probably but not so much that it becomes less adventure.

First on the list is traveling. All across the US - I want to go to California in my car and back down through the south, an epic road trip full of detours and roadside attractions, bad motels and delicious food and kind strangers and beautiful landscapes. Then I'll go across the pond, I want to go everywhere, Scandinavia, Russia, Greece, Austria, Tanzania, Kenya, South Africa, India, Japan, France, New Zealand, Cambodia. Everywhere, I want it one huge backpacking trip. Then I'll write about all my adventures. The thing holding me back from this all is money. I hate that. I despise that money is ruling my dreams right now, it's completely frustrating because with the need for money comes time, unless I win the lottery which I don't even play, then I'm stuck in one place for two years at best making money in a job I don't really want and refusing to move up in that job because I don't want to stay or be forced to stay. I want so much and I want it now but it's impossible to have now. I want to travel for a year or a year and a half, come back and go to grad school, move somewhere west, have a farm and a bookstore and a little cafe maybe with Sarah or someone else.

I want so much, and I want it now, I'm too impatient for time and money.

If you have a solution, please let me know because I feel like the longer I wait the less momentum I will have.