I had forgotten

I had forgotten that it was the 12th, that it was also Thursday the 12th. The day down to the day of the week of a six month anniversary that no one will ever want.

I decided to start going to yoga at the same studio that she went to, the one that I had only been to when she was there or with her son. This was my first class alone.

The first time we went, it was all three of us, in the car before class she told us her secret competition with the teacher - so secret, he didn't even know. At the end of class there is a breath meditation on "Ohm" for one full breath and she tried to hold her's longer than the instructor's. I listened at the end of that class, after my own breath had ended as had her son's next to me, and everyone else fell out while one male and one female voice still rang. Just as slowly as it started, the instructor's breath ended and there was one ringing voice left, her's. It sounded as true and clear as a toe dipped in water creating concentric circles.

My class Wednesday on my own was liberating. I felt like "yea, I can do this by myself." We laid down at the end of class to relax and meditate. There was a small rumbling in my diaphragm and it traveled slowly up my throat to my sinuses where water began to collect in the corners of my eyes. I didn't understand it and just kept breathing. My hands, out to my sides, palms turned up. Something pushed into my left palm, heavy like a glass paper weight but soft like fleece. I didn't dare open my eyes.

"Everyone turn to your right side and slowly, gently, push yourself up with your arms to sitting position."

We all did as instructed, no one rebelling and staying horizontal to fall asleep.

"Now, breathe one deep breath in and we'll let it all out as one Ohm."

My breath filled my entire cavity, diaphragm expanding and my voice rounded out of my mouth creating the letter O until I could no longer and hummed an M. The woman behind me, Jean, with her long dark hair and olive skin, her son sitting next to her on a mat, had just joined the class late. A surprise, but a welcome one. Her voice behind me was pure, someone who had clearly sang before. As each Ohm dropped out of the group, there were two voices left, one male and one female. And as the instructor's voice - lower than the female's - fell to silent, we all heard what I thought I would never again hear, a thick female voice ringing at the end on "mmmm."
Thank you Jean.