Twenties' Angst?

I am feeling really angsty right now - I'm just sick of things going wrong with the Bullsheet. I'm trying to handle it with the grace and poise I know I could if I was someone else, but I'd really like to just scream and kick and wonder who is out to get me!? Knowing no one is, and it really is just my stupid mistake for never fact-checking and relying on the good of people. One more reason that human beings are not to be trusted. Although tomorrow or maybe in the next couple hours, I will change that point of view and go back to who I am always, the person who thinks everyone is inherently good until proven otherwise, that naive child inside me who never relents her voice of joy and positivity. Sometimes I hate that child deep down inside me. It's a good jimminy cricket though, I guess, it could be worse.

What I've been Missing

I just realized that this is what I've been missing- just watching people interact with other people. I'm in the library doing my work for class and got distracted looking at this group of friends talk and interact, their hands flying animatedly. And in my head I thought up the scenario. As an introvert, I don't need interaction myself, necessarily, all the time, whatever, but I do need to watch other people interact I think. Just to know that I'm not the only one, I'm part of "this body, this breathing." This mantra helped me a lot this past weekend while I flew to see Jake and back. The plane went up and I envisioned myself, the plane, the airport, the city, the state, the country, the continent, the world, all bodies, all breathing, that I'm just part of. It helped me remember to connect my body to my breath to my spirituality and soul.

So here I am in the library, part of this body, THIS breathing, and I'm a little more calm, a little more centered, feeling less alone and less stressed about the stack of articles next to me. This body, This breathing, this is doable, today is okay, this body, this breathing